Silence Has A Voice
Someone said “Silence is deafening.” Quite true. I'd also say, “Silence has a voice.”
One night, I stayed up late reading a book while everyone was asleep. Taking advantage of the peace, I decided to test out the phrase saying "silence is deafening". (I know, I’m strange.) So for 30 seconds, I stayed totally still and quiet. I stopped reading and shut the voice that read the sentences in my mind. Silence reigned… Was it deafening?
To my surprise, it was! Although I was in complete silence, my ears were still ‘hearing’. There was an unexplainable, almost – if I may say – deafening buzzing in my ears. It felt as if I was hearing crickets chirping in the forest at night. The silence was subtle, yet somewhat intrusive and disturbing. It was empty, yet full of life. Maybe it depends on how I see it – or hear it. I only continued for about 1 minute. Then it became unbearable. I broke out of it and my mind started talking again. It was an interesting discovery. Amazing how sometimes life blesses me with these almost glorious personal discoveries that open my eyes and ears to something beyond what “normal everyday life” is.
Silence can sometimes be a good thing. Everyday we are surrounded by noise. We ourselves are noisy beings. Our minds are talking all the time. Why can't we stay quiet for a second? It is truly a difficult thing to do. How can I hear the voice of silence in a noisy, busy place? How can I find peace and calm in a situation of chaos or unrest?
At this point, I am reminded of a Bible story about Jesus and his disciples facing a storm at sea. Jesus and his disciples had gotten aboard a boat. A storm began to rage as Jesus fell fast asleep in the stern. Then the winds blew and the rain poured. The boat rocked and the waves rolled. In the midst of this unexpected turmoil, the disciples were freaking out. They thought they were going to die. Yet Jesus seemed like he couldn’t care less. He was fast asleep, not knowing that the storm outside was going to sink the boat. But finally, in desperation, the disciples decided to call Jesus. Jesus awoke and then calmly commanded the wind and rain to “Be still!” And sure enough, the storm died down and it was completely calm again.
The noise and the storm in our lives threaten to destroy us. Why don’t we just call out to Jesus and find that inner peace and calm in Him? Why don’t we for once, be still for 5 minutes? Sometimes do I really detest silence and stillness that much? I realize that it only when I am quiet, that I discover God in a new way. Then I have God’s peace in my heart and I begin to hear what God has to say.
I recall the last line in a worship song called Still which goes like this:
I will be still and know that You are God.
Perhaps we need to make a point to shut out the “noise” in our lives once each day and be still for a few minutes. We do so many things throughout the day that we never get to quieten down and be at peace. Like I tried on myself, it is so hard to be silent even for 1 minute! If only I learn to be still, then I will know who God is.
I once composed a song with a chorus that goes like this:
I want to hear Your voice
And shut out the noise
Of this world
I guess that sums this up. May God help me to appreciate silence – because silence has a voice. And perhaps God can only reveal Himself to us when we are silent. And ready to listen to Him…
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Saturday, November 07, 2009
November 3rd 2009
November 3rd marked our first one year in Melbourne. One year ago I wondered what would happen to us one year later! Only time will tell, I thought.
My mum has been house-hunting these few weeks because our one-year rent contract for the current house is ending. We wanted a house that is near the train station and also the high school Janna and Jirene is going to next year. But it seems that wasn’t meant to be. My parents instead found a place that is just round the corner, but it is much newer and thank God, it has TWO toilets! Hahaha… =)
So, since we didn’t manage to find a house near the train station or the school (because its an expensive area), I’ll have to walk to the bus stop every morning, take the bus to the train station, then take a 40 minute train ride to the city, and at the city, I must finally take a tram to my school! Phew. I can’t imagine how I’ll wake up in winter. Now every morning, as VCASS draws nearer, I wake up thinking, “I have no idea how I’ll do it next year.”
A year ago, I was a homeschooler. I never had to take public transport in M’sia – my parents wouldn’t allow anyway. One year later, everything has changed! I used to think, what will happen to me in the future? Will I be stuck with just this for the rest of my school life? Won’t I ever get the chance to perform and take a step higher in music? I really thought I’d be stuck back there with no better way out, no greater opportunity. But I prayed. I asked God. It was difficult though. I couldn’t imagine myself getting anywhere else other than where I already was.
And now here I am! I must remember it is all by God’s grace. Not forgetting my dad & mum and sisters: we all made it through together. My dad has been doing many things here and there. Just a few days ago, he became a butcher. Hahaha! Yes, you read it correctly. But he’s just doing it for two days a week. I didn’t think he would bear to exchange his precious time to do some no-brainer work full-time. Although it may be decent pay, but it is of course not a very fulfilling job for my dad. Haha. A few months back, Dad took a course in personal age care. It certified him to care for and assist elderly and disabled people. He told me yesterday that this kind of work is much more fulfilling.
Well, we thank God for helping us to live through this one year. Thank God for bringing us here earlier than we planned or expected. All because the migration laws changed, our migration was fast-forwarded from 3 years to 1 year! So yes, it was a mad rush last year and we did wonder why God placed us in such an unexpected situation. We didn’t even have time to sell our house or car.
But after our first year here, we now see that it is all in God’s perfect timing and plan. We can never see God’s big picture in our puny minds. But now we realize that if we came 3 years later, my sisters and I would have missed all the benefits from school life here. I would have missed Blackburn High and VCASS, and all the performance opportunities that are so vital to the development of my musical abilities. Also not to mention the learning and teaching opportunities that God has provided since coming here!
Dad was just telling me the other day of the little (or big) miracle God worked when we came. At the exact time around our move to Melbourne, the currency conversion rate dropped from 3 to about 2.5! Now it has climbed back up from 2 something to 3. It really helped us save a lot when converting to Aussie dollars.
I am so thankful to be here. This afternoon as I walked in the sun, enjoying the heat and listening to Chris Tomlin’s How Great is Our God on my iPod, I started thanking God once again for everything He has provided and for bringing us here. I thanked God for the clear blue skies, the clouds, the spring flowers, my sisters, my dad & mum, my life, my iPod (which God blessed me with through church friends for my b’day, and it will be my lifesaver next year when travelling on the train!), and I thanked God so much for the hot sun. People might gawk at me for that. But most of the Aussies love the heat too.
So what’s next?
I don’t really know what to expect. Only time will tell. But meanwhile, may God help us to live for the moment and savour the next second He gives us. May God help us to not worry about the blurry picture of the future and not forget that we are to glorify Him with what we have – what He’s blessed us with – in the present, which is now.
November 3rd marked our first one year in Melbourne. One year ago I wondered what would happen to us one year later! Only time will tell, I thought.
My mum has been house-hunting these few weeks because our one-year rent contract for the current house is ending. We wanted a house that is near the train station and also the high school Janna and Jirene is going to next year. But it seems that wasn’t meant to be. My parents instead found a place that is just round the corner, but it is much newer and thank God, it has TWO toilets! Hahaha… =)
So, since we didn’t manage to find a house near the train station or the school (because its an expensive area), I’ll have to walk to the bus stop every morning, take the bus to the train station, then take a 40 minute train ride to the city, and at the city, I must finally take a tram to my school! Phew. I can’t imagine how I’ll wake up in winter. Now every morning, as VCASS draws nearer, I wake up thinking, “I have no idea how I’ll do it next year.”
A year ago, I was a homeschooler. I never had to take public transport in M’sia – my parents wouldn’t allow anyway. One year later, everything has changed! I used to think, what will happen to me in the future? Will I be stuck with just this for the rest of my school life? Won’t I ever get the chance to perform and take a step higher in music? I really thought I’d be stuck back there with no better way out, no greater opportunity. But I prayed. I asked God. It was difficult though. I couldn’t imagine myself getting anywhere else other than where I already was.
And now here I am! I must remember it is all by God’s grace. Not forgetting my dad & mum and sisters: we all made it through together. My dad has been doing many things here and there. Just a few days ago, he became a butcher. Hahaha! Yes, you read it correctly. But he’s just doing it for two days a week. I didn’t think he would bear to exchange his precious time to do some no-brainer work full-time. Although it may be decent pay, but it is of course not a very fulfilling job for my dad. Haha. A few months back, Dad took a course in personal age care. It certified him to care for and assist elderly and disabled people. He told me yesterday that this kind of work is much more fulfilling.
Well, we thank God for helping us to live through this one year. Thank God for bringing us here earlier than we planned or expected. All because the migration laws changed, our migration was fast-forwarded from 3 years to 1 year! So yes, it was a mad rush last year and we did wonder why God placed us in such an unexpected situation. We didn’t even have time to sell our house or car.
But after our first year here, we now see that it is all in God’s perfect timing and plan. We can never see God’s big picture in our puny minds. But now we realize that if we came 3 years later, my sisters and I would have missed all the benefits from school life here. I would have missed Blackburn High and VCASS, and all the performance opportunities that are so vital to the development of my musical abilities. Also not to mention the learning and teaching opportunities that God has provided since coming here!
Dad was just telling me the other day of the little (or big) miracle God worked when we came. At the exact time around our move to Melbourne, the currency conversion rate dropped from 3 to about 2.5! Now it has climbed back up from 2 something to 3. It really helped us save a lot when converting to Aussie dollars.
I am so thankful to be here. This afternoon as I walked in the sun, enjoying the heat and listening to Chris Tomlin’s How Great is Our God on my iPod, I started thanking God once again for everything He has provided and for bringing us here. I thanked God for the clear blue skies, the clouds, the spring flowers, my sisters, my dad & mum, my life, my iPod (which God blessed me with through church friends for my b’day, and it will be my lifesaver next year when travelling on the train!), and I thanked God so much for the hot sun. People might gawk at me for that. But most of the Aussies love the heat too.
So what’s next?
I don’t really know what to expect. Only time will tell. But meanwhile, may God help us to live for the moment and savour the next second He gives us. May God help us to not worry about the blurry picture of the future and not forget that we are to glorify Him with what we have – what He’s blessed us with – in the present, which is now.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Heat Is BACK
Wahoo, this is the happiest day of my life!
Haha, no, I’m sure it isn’t the happiest – just exaggerating. But yes, the heat is back. I’m so glad I can finally wear shorts and take a cold shower! It actually feels like I’m in M’sia when it’s really hot and sunny – minus the humidity. I asked my sisters and mum earlier, “Which do you prefer? Heat or cold?” Jirene and Janna answered “Of course the cold is better!” But my mum and I preferred the heat.
Winter had taken its toll on me the past 4 months. I realized that the temperature and weather actually affects me a lot. I started to wake up at the last minute for school every morning, which caused my sisters a great deal of “stress” (having to wake me up) because they were so enthusiastic about going to school. My eating habits also change “drastically” and in my opinion, disastrously: I started eating more chips and donuts for afternoon snacks (which I never did in M’sia). I felt very bad about my “monstrous” eating habits – which I’m sure isn’t actually that bad. xD But compared to when it wasn’t winter, it seems quite appalling. I know, I know: how can I be telling you this?! :P
Apart from eating & sleeping habits, I also realize that I became less “outgoing” in school. I got bored of talking to people and getting to know others because I was too busy thinking of myself. I did still make an effort to ask questions, but I wasn't as enthusiastic. I don’t know why, but I became a very selfish person. Maybe I shouldn’t blame the season, or the weather. Maybe I’ve always been very selfish anyway. Most of the time, I felt like I was in my own world. On the many cold mornings I just wanted to stay under the blanket and not face another dreary school day.
After a while everything got pretty dull. I had to wear the same clothes every day – and on weekends, rotated between the same 4 jumpers/coat and 3 layers underneath. Everyday I would dread taking a shower: for fear of turning off the warm water and feeling the rush of cold air freeze me. Also, my hands were always cold – that made playing the piano even tougher.
But by the grace of God, I honestly say that the only 3 things that KEPT ME ALIVE in winter was my family, music (mostly piano) and most of all, God. Nothing else helped me survive. Thank God for the “light at the end of the tunnel”: the promise of warmth and heat and being able to dress more colourfully in spring & summer! Hahaha. =)
However, the strange thing is, I think the winter months were the most important months in my journey of growing in God. The winter months were also the peak of my life in music thus far. I also learned to stand alone, although it was and is still a tough thing to do. But of course, I really am not standing alone, because I know God is by my side and His Spirit renews my heart, mind and soul each day.
There were days when I felt like a loser. I felt terrible. I didn’t like myself. I knew I was selfish and irresponsible. Now I knew I could have done more. I could have done better. But that’s the past. What can I do if I can’t change the past? I can only change the present. It is easy to say all this when now it is nice and warm and I no longer feel loser-ish. (God help me.)
But on the other hand, I must admit that on the days when I felt hopeless, I discovered God more. So which is better? To feel good and not know God or have the desire to seek Him, or to feel bad and end up turning to God and discovering another bit of eternity? I realize that perhaps the latter is better – although it hurts.
So yes, although I did not enjoy the winter months, I now see that God had made it a worthwhile crossover even with all the unpleasant things to go with. God made it bearable enough because He was there with me. Now in 5 days time, it will be our first anniversary of living in Melbourne. All thanks be to God our strength and Provider. =)
Wahoo, this is the happiest day of my life!
Haha, no, I’m sure it isn’t the happiest – just exaggerating. But yes, the heat is back. I’m so glad I can finally wear shorts and take a cold shower! It actually feels like I’m in M’sia when it’s really hot and sunny – minus the humidity. I asked my sisters and mum earlier, “Which do you prefer? Heat or cold?” Jirene and Janna answered “Of course the cold is better!” But my mum and I preferred the heat.
Winter had taken its toll on me the past 4 months. I realized that the temperature and weather actually affects me a lot. I started to wake up at the last minute for school every morning, which caused my sisters a great deal of “stress” (having to wake me up) because they were so enthusiastic about going to school. My eating habits also change “drastically” and in my opinion, disastrously: I started eating more chips and donuts for afternoon snacks (which I never did in M’sia). I felt very bad about my “monstrous” eating habits – which I’m sure isn’t actually that bad. xD But compared to when it wasn’t winter, it seems quite appalling. I know, I know: how can I be telling you this?! :P
Apart from eating & sleeping habits, I also realize that I became less “outgoing” in school. I got bored of talking to people and getting to know others because I was too busy thinking of myself. I did still make an effort to ask questions, but I wasn't as enthusiastic. I don’t know why, but I became a very selfish person. Maybe I shouldn’t blame the season, or the weather. Maybe I’ve always been very selfish anyway. Most of the time, I felt like I was in my own world. On the many cold mornings I just wanted to stay under the blanket and not face another dreary school day.
After a while everything got pretty dull. I had to wear the same clothes every day – and on weekends, rotated between the same 4 jumpers/coat and 3 layers underneath. Everyday I would dread taking a shower: for fear of turning off the warm water and feeling the rush of cold air freeze me. Also, my hands were always cold – that made playing the piano even tougher.
But by the grace of God, I honestly say that the only 3 things that KEPT ME ALIVE in winter was my family, music (mostly piano) and most of all, God. Nothing else helped me survive. Thank God for the “light at the end of the tunnel”: the promise of warmth and heat and being able to dress more colourfully in spring & summer! Hahaha. =)
However, the strange thing is, I think the winter months were the most important months in my journey of growing in God. The winter months were also the peak of my life in music thus far. I also learned to stand alone, although it was and is still a tough thing to do. But of course, I really am not standing alone, because I know God is by my side and His Spirit renews my heart, mind and soul each day.
There were days when I felt like a loser. I felt terrible. I didn’t like myself. I knew I was selfish and irresponsible. Now I knew I could have done more. I could have done better. But that’s the past. What can I do if I can’t change the past? I can only change the present. It is easy to say all this when now it is nice and warm and I no longer feel loser-ish. (God help me.)
But on the other hand, I must admit that on the days when I felt hopeless, I discovered God more. So which is better? To feel good and not know God or have the desire to seek Him, or to feel bad and end up turning to God and discovering another bit of eternity? I realize that perhaps the latter is better – although it hurts.
So yes, although I did not enjoy the winter months, I now see that God had made it a worthwhile crossover even with all the unpleasant things to go with. God made it bearable enough because He was there with me. Now in 5 days time, it will be our first anniversary of living in Melbourne. All thanks be to God our strength and Provider. =)
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Where My Heart Lies
I recently picked up a book called The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. You’ve probably heard of it, or even better, read it for yourself – it is a famous piece of writing! Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it, and connecting the key messages in the story to real life, my life.
In the heart of the book lies this quote, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Sounds familiar? This profoundly simple sentence is actually from the Bible! It is found in Matthew 6:21. And what’s more, Jesus had said it!
At first glance, it is just a simple one liner. But I do not truly understand it. I understand the concept of it, but I do not know how it applies to me. Perhaps it is because I do not yet know where my heart lies, or where my treasure lies. What do I really want in this life? But then again, perhaps it’s not about what I want.
Maybe what I think I want is a distortion of the truth that is my heart, what I really should want. I know we live in a world where everything is twisted around and fake. We get tossed to and fro by many ideas, opinions and theories. But really, all we want to know is the truth. What is the truth?
We live in a world where lies are floating everywhere. People choose to believe what they want to believe, whatever is convenient to them, whatever they want to hear. That’s why when a sliver of light, of truth, floats our way, we seldom believe it – we seldom take it seriously or heed it. And often, the truth hurts our ego. It brings to light the dirty, grimy recesses of our hearts. And sometimes it is best to ignore the sliver of light and shut it out, just so we don’t have to clean up the filth inside. I also think that’s what sometimes I avoid reading my Bible.
But what did the Psalmist David say?
“How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.”
Psalm 119:9 and 11
So where is my heart, that I might find my treasure? Maybe my treasure is very close by, yet I am so far from it because what I think is the truth is mingled with all sorts of confusing words and lies that stop me from discovering my heart, my treasure. Perhaps that’s why the Psalmist David said, “Your word I have hidden in my heart…” May God’s truth help us to sift out all the unnecessary crap from our hearts and minds, so that what is left is the pure and original desire that God has placed in us, which will lead us to discover our destiny in Him.
I recently picked up a book called The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. You’ve probably heard of it, or even better, read it for yourself – it is a famous piece of writing! Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it, and connecting the key messages in the story to real life, my life.
In the heart of the book lies this quote, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Sounds familiar? This profoundly simple sentence is actually from the Bible! It is found in Matthew 6:21. And what’s more, Jesus had said it!
At first glance, it is just a simple one liner. But I do not truly understand it. I understand the concept of it, but I do not know how it applies to me. Perhaps it is because I do not yet know where my heart lies, or where my treasure lies. What do I really want in this life? But then again, perhaps it’s not about what I want.
Maybe what I think I want is a distortion of the truth that is my heart, what I really should want. I know we live in a world where everything is twisted around and fake. We get tossed to and fro by many ideas, opinions and theories. But really, all we want to know is the truth. What is the truth?
We live in a world where lies are floating everywhere. People choose to believe what they want to believe, whatever is convenient to them, whatever they want to hear. That’s why when a sliver of light, of truth, floats our way, we seldom believe it – we seldom take it seriously or heed it. And often, the truth hurts our ego. It brings to light the dirty, grimy recesses of our hearts. And sometimes it is best to ignore the sliver of light and shut it out, just so we don’t have to clean up the filth inside. I also think that’s what sometimes I avoid reading my Bible.
But what did the Psalmist David say?
“How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.”
Psalm 119:9 and 11
So where is my heart, that I might find my treasure? Maybe my treasure is very close by, yet I am so far from it because what I think is the truth is mingled with all sorts of confusing words and lies that stop me from discovering my heart, my treasure. Perhaps that’s why the Psalmist David said, “Your word I have hidden in my heart…” May God’s truth help us to sift out all the unnecessary crap from our hearts and minds, so that what is left is the pure and original desire that God has placed in us, which will lead us to discover our destiny in Him.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Who Gives the Increase?
I’ve always been amazed at how plants and flowers and trees grow. How do they grow? One day I plant a seed, the next day I check it, nothing has happened. After a few days, I become bored of waiting for it to grow. Many days later, when I care to look, I am amazed at how much it has grown without me noticing!
I can water a plant and fertilize the soil. But really, am I the one who causes it to grow taller and bigger, bearing flowers or fruit? I must also bear in mind that without the sun, there’s no life or growth. So even if I plant and water and fertilize the soil, if there is no sunlight, all my work is a waste of time because the plant will die anyway. So what causes the sun to shine, then?
Pondering such things, I remember a verse in the Bible saying:
“I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-7
Truly, in all things, in all my life, in everything I do, no matter how much I work for something, no matter how much I sacrifice, it is still God who gives the increase. It is still God who enables me to do it. He is the one who causes the sun to shine on us and the rain to pour on us. Who are we to think we deserve what we have worked for?
When I realize this, I realize how foolish I am to take pride in myself.
“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths…
Honor the LORD with your possessions, and with the first fruits of all your increase.” Proverbs 3:6 and 9
I’ve always been amazed at how plants and flowers and trees grow. How do they grow? One day I plant a seed, the next day I check it, nothing has happened. After a few days, I become bored of waiting for it to grow. Many days later, when I care to look, I am amazed at how much it has grown without me noticing!
I can water a plant and fertilize the soil. But really, am I the one who causes it to grow taller and bigger, bearing flowers or fruit? I must also bear in mind that without the sun, there’s no life or growth. So even if I plant and water and fertilize the soil, if there is no sunlight, all my work is a waste of time because the plant will die anyway. So what causes the sun to shine, then?
Pondering such things, I remember a verse in the Bible saying:
“I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-7
Truly, in all things, in all my life, in everything I do, no matter how much I work for something, no matter how much I sacrifice, it is still God who gives the increase. It is still God who enables me to do it. He is the one who causes the sun to shine on us and the rain to pour on us. Who are we to think we deserve what we have worked for?
When I realize this, I realize how foolish I am to take pride in myself.
“In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths…
Honor the LORD with your possessions, and with the first fruits of all your increase.” Proverbs 3:6 and 9
=)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Eagles’ Wings
I hope for the future I envision now. I can’t wait to live it. But the one thing I fear is that I don’t make the most of it. We all get bogged down by life’s circumstances, people (those who say the most negative things), our own shortcomings, and the list goes on.
When I first started out, I was excited. I was glad to meet new people. But as time went by, my excitement slowly fizzled out. Doesn’t that happen to all of us? And we detest that feeling. The awful, squirmy feeling that tells us there’s nothing really great about this after all, and our enthusiasm dissipates.
I realize that I can get so easily bogged down by people around me. Well, meaning the wrong sorta’ people, of course. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, I’m actually talking about music again. Hahaha. And I’m referring particularly to the orchestra part of it. Most of the violinists in my group have no passion for music. It’s very tiresome to go for practice after practice if the people around you aren’t into it. The passion gets sucked out of you.
So how do I keep myself from swayed by the negative flow? Honestly, I do not know how to save myself. At some point we all realize how weak we are when it comes to standing against the current. Perhaps one can last for a while, but not for long. Surely there are moments when you lose your guard, and falter for a bit. That happens. But how do I stand in the long run?
I remembered a passage in the Bible (once again to the rescue!!!) Isaiah 40:30-31:
“Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”
Wow, take that! I was really inspired and encouraged. What an uplifting promise God gives! How true is it that even youths shall faint of tiredness and utterly fall? But here’s the good part, it says those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength. I come to realize that it is only when we are weak that God is able to give strength. But when I am “strong”, I become proud, with a haughty demeanour, and then God has no gap in which to work His wonders.
Perhaps God allows troubling situations and people to enter our lives so that we will constantly wait on Him, which I think means to depend on Him.
The next beautiful part of the passage says that once we depend on God and have our strength renewed, we will mount up with wings like eagles! Meaning, we will SOAR ABOVE all the people, circumstances, and failures that drag us down. Then we will be able to stand against the flow. Although it is clear that I’ll occasionally fall, it does not mean defeat. It means God has a gap in which to work His wonders and give me His strength to stand and to soar above it all!
I hope for the future I envision now. I can’t wait to live it. But the one thing I fear is that I don’t make the most of it. We all get bogged down by life’s circumstances, people (those who say the most negative things), our own shortcomings, and the list goes on.
When I first started out, I was excited. I was glad to meet new people. But as time went by, my excitement slowly fizzled out. Doesn’t that happen to all of us? And we detest that feeling. The awful, squirmy feeling that tells us there’s nothing really great about this after all, and our enthusiasm dissipates.
I realize that I can get so easily bogged down by people around me. Well, meaning the wrong sorta’ people, of course. If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, I’m actually talking about music again. Hahaha. And I’m referring particularly to the orchestra part of it. Most of the violinists in my group have no passion for music. It’s very tiresome to go for practice after practice if the people around you aren’t into it. The passion gets sucked out of you.
So how do I keep myself from swayed by the negative flow? Honestly, I do not know how to save myself. At some point we all realize how weak we are when it comes to standing against the current. Perhaps one can last for a while, but not for long. Surely there are moments when you lose your guard, and falter for a bit. That happens. But how do I stand in the long run?
I remembered a passage in the Bible (once again to the rescue!!!) Isaiah 40:30-31:
“Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.”
Wow, take that! I was really inspired and encouraged. What an uplifting promise God gives! How true is it that even youths shall faint of tiredness and utterly fall? But here’s the good part, it says those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength. I come to realize that it is only when we are weak that God is able to give strength. But when I am “strong”, I become proud, with a haughty demeanour, and then God has no gap in which to work His wonders.
Perhaps God allows troubling situations and people to enter our lives so that we will constantly wait on Him, which I think means to depend on Him.
The next beautiful part of the passage says that once we depend on God and have our strength renewed, we will mount up with wings like eagles! Meaning, we will SOAR ABOVE all the people, circumstances, and failures that drag us down. Then we will be able to stand against the flow. Although it is clear that I’ll occasionally fall, it does not mean defeat. It means God has a gap in which to work His wonders and give me His strength to stand and to soar above it all!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Lest I Forget…
On Monday night, my mum and I travelled to the city for an info night at VCASS. I was excited to see who were the other 24 who also made it through. Before I received the yes letter, I had a hard time counting the possibility of getting in. 300 auditioned. Half music, half dance. How can they possibly have only 25 places for music? My chances were too slim. At the most, they’d only accept 5 pianists. But it had to be less than 5, since there are so many other instruments!
That night, to my astonishment, I found out that they really meant what they said about accepting only 25. The whole time I sat there, one thought recurred in my mind, “I can’t believe I’m here. I’m one of the 25!” I thanked God over and over that I was sitting there with my mum.
When they got all the music students to introduce themselves, I felt even more grateful because I found out that I was only one out of three pianists that got accepted! Phew. BUT I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! I’m so very excited; yet my excitement is kept “in check” by a tad of nervousness because I know a lot is expected of me at VCASS.
In his speech, the principal of VCASS, Colin Simpson, told us to brace ourselves for the heavy workload, the long days and practices. There will be triumphs and failures. There will be perfect performances, and also many with mistakes. But this is one thing he said that I will remember, “Here at VCASS, we help out students to not simply make a living – like what most high schools only aim to do – but here, we help our students make a life.”
It makes total sense to me. But ironically, to most of my peers I am probably the one who doesn’t have a life! They do not understand why I sacrifice recess time to play piano. But music IS my passion. I do it because it fills my time with meaning. And besides, I do not have the nicest piano in the world at home, so I usually grab every opportunity to practice on the grand piano at school. Haha.
That reminds me of one of the things I’m really looking forward to at VCASS (something I mentioned when I was interviewed at the audition). It’s the companionship I will find with people who are like-minded and also passionate about making music! They will understand why I relish every opportunity to play, because they feel the same way, too. =)
I can’t believe my second year in Melbourne would be another huge change. I have no idea how I will wake up 6.30am every morning – in winter, mind you. I am afraid I will hop on the wrong train some mornings, or miss the train on other days. I don’t know if I’ll find good friends, or not at all. I’m worried I won’t measure up to the standards.
Funnily, the principal told us that whenever we doubt our talent and passion for music, or feel it’s too hard, or that we’re not good enough, we must remember how we felt when we received the BIG ENVELOPE. Haha, that made us all laugh nervously. He said that while he had the joy of signing all of our yes letters, he also had to sign the other 300 no letters. The mood in the room suddenly changed. We all had the same thoughts, how would I have felt if I had received the small envelope with a no letter?
Once again I was reminded to not be proud of myself, but to give God the glory. I need to always remember to give it back to God. This victory He has given me, belongs to Him alone. Although I worked hard, like my dad says, any victory requires both 100% man AND 100% God.
The fact that I got in, considering the circumstances, tells me that this is not by chance. What my teachers, friends, parents, or even I say, does not matter cause’ in the end, I know it is God who has the final say. He alone chooses to bestow or to withhold; to open or to close doors. So although I’m worried, I can rest assured that once I cast all my cares on God, He will be my strength and my guide.
Lest I forget, I must always keep an attitude of thanksgiving to God and that wonderful feeling of receiving the big VCASS envelope. =)
Four months to go!
On Monday night, my mum and I travelled to the city for an info night at VCASS. I was excited to see who were the other 24 who also made it through. Before I received the yes letter, I had a hard time counting the possibility of getting in. 300 auditioned. Half music, half dance. How can they possibly have only 25 places for music? My chances were too slim. At the most, they’d only accept 5 pianists. But it had to be less than 5, since there are so many other instruments!
That night, to my astonishment, I found out that they really meant what they said about accepting only 25. The whole time I sat there, one thought recurred in my mind, “I can’t believe I’m here. I’m one of the 25!” I thanked God over and over that I was sitting there with my mum.
When they got all the music students to introduce themselves, I felt even more grateful because I found out that I was only one out of three pianists that got accepted! Phew. BUT I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! I’m so very excited; yet my excitement is kept “in check” by a tad of nervousness because I know a lot is expected of me at VCASS.
In his speech, the principal of VCASS, Colin Simpson, told us to brace ourselves for the heavy workload, the long days and practices. There will be triumphs and failures. There will be perfect performances, and also many with mistakes. But this is one thing he said that I will remember, “Here at VCASS, we help out students to not simply make a living – like what most high schools only aim to do – but here, we help our students make a life.”
It makes total sense to me. But ironically, to most of my peers I am probably the one who doesn’t have a life! They do not understand why I sacrifice recess time to play piano. But music IS my passion. I do it because it fills my time with meaning. And besides, I do not have the nicest piano in the world at home, so I usually grab every opportunity to practice on the grand piano at school. Haha.
That reminds me of one of the things I’m really looking forward to at VCASS (something I mentioned when I was interviewed at the audition). It’s the companionship I will find with people who are like-minded and also passionate about making music! They will understand why I relish every opportunity to play, because they feel the same way, too. =)
I can’t believe my second year in Melbourne would be another huge change. I have no idea how I will wake up 6.30am every morning – in winter, mind you. I am afraid I will hop on the wrong train some mornings, or miss the train on other days. I don’t know if I’ll find good friends, or not at all. I’m worried I won’t measure up to the standards.
Funnily, the principal told us that whenever we doubt our talent and passion for music, or feel it’s too hard, or that we’re not good enough, we must remember how we felt when we received the BIG ENVELOPE. Haha, that made us all laugh nervously. He said that while he had the joy of signing all of our yes letters, he also had to sign the other 300 no letters. The mood in the room suddenly changed. We all had the same thoughts, how would I have felt if I had received the small envelope with a no letter?
Once again I was reminded to not be proud of myself, but to give God the glory. I need to always remember to give it back to God. This victory He has given me, belongs to Him alone. Although I worked hard, like my dad says, any victory requires both 100% man AND 100% God.
The fact that I got in, considering the circumstances, tells me that this is not by chance. What my teachers, friends, parents, or even I say, does not matter cause’ in the end, I know it is God who has the final say. He alone chooses to bestow or to withhold; to open or to close doors. So although I’m worried, I can rest assured that once I cast all my cares on God, He will be my strength and my guide.
Lest I forget, I must always keep an attitude of thanksgiving to God and that wonderful feeling of receiving the big VCASS envelope. =)
Four months to go!
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